FRIDAY'S READER'S SPECIAL AT LAST !

"Today, I'm doing it MY way."

adrienzgirl said...

Good for you! Sometimes "me" time is required to make sure you have anything to give anyone else!

Love you! Hang in there!!

I never really looked at it that way. So you're saying I should kick Joe to the curb more often.......thank you.

Wander to the Wayside said...

You go girl! And don't forget the mint julip and box of bon bons! Or margarita and nachos. Or rum and coke and ... uh, more rum and coke. Or my once a year diet splurge, a whole carton of malted milk balls! Or my once a year whole package of sugar wafer cookies. Or...

Oh, the joy of being diabetic. Please send photos of the Milk Balls.

Tiffany said...

So you're saying you're bossing Joe around today? Sounds like the norm to me :p

Hey bitch, you never complained when I bossed Joe around regarding that pony you wanted. Love, mom.

glnroz said...

you have found the "key" so it seems. lol

I found it a long time ago, but Joe has never gotten used to being "keyed".

Coffeypot said...

WAKE UP, DAMMIT. Okay, okay! I know your name isn't Dammit, but you can't enjoy your day if you aren't in it.

But no matter what you decide to do, do it quietly, I'm trying to sleep here.

It's hard to make noise when I'm wrapped in a blankie with my favorite pillow.

Under the Influence said...

I truly believe solitude, rest and a good nap can cure many ills! At least I hope they do, because I live by those rules.

I hope your healing continues a little (or a lot) each day.

The healing is doing well, til Joe and I look at each other and wonder if we're being heartless by starting to move forward. But we're doing fine, and just have an occasional flashback that leaves us sad, but not WASTED like before.

ReformingGeek said...

Nice! I will take a nap in your honor.

Remember to curl up on your side, with your hands tucked under your chin, knees bent and drool.....don't forget to drool !

Matty said...

What's stopping you from doing this more often? You earned it. Do it.

I would do it 24/7 but I can't get Joe to stay gone that long.

Susan S. said...

ahhhh....days like that a few and far between but OH SO worth it! ENJOY!

Oh boy did I enjoy it.

Queen-Size funny bone said...

you do what you have to do to take care of yourself.

It's a dirty job, but someone's gotta do it.

Golden To Silver Val said...

I sure am glad you took a ME day. I hope you won't stop blogging. After all, I just found you and I think you are a HOOT. I need someone like you to keep my sense of humor from packing its bags and skipping town. We do have some things in common...I'm a retired police and fire dispatcher. I can take all those jokes the fireman tell, not to mention the police. I know the difference between yanking a hose or stretching one. Yep, you can't leave now....we've got to get to know each other first...so I can stalk you...just kidding about that. No really....honest....put down the pepper spray...or wasp spray. Ok....hope you had a great day doin' something that you enjoyed. zzzzzzzzzzzz

WOW. You ARE learning! This is my first FRS since our little boy passed, but I'm getting back slowly. I NEED my internet buds.

Lorraine said...

I call those "pajama days". Glad you're taking one for yourself. Sometimes you just need to not have to answer to anything or anyone.

Don't you know it! I hope your surgery went well and that you're enjoying a few pajama days yourself.

ettarose said...

What a great way to re-energize those internal batteries. You need to do this at least once a month.

Once a month? I was thinking more like, oh, every day? Once a week? Hey, I'm RETIRED. Will someone tell Joe?

Janie at Sounding Forth said...

Do it when you can, we'll be here!!!

Yeah, yeah. That's what I keep hearing, but if I took a week off and came back, I'd have to get up a search party and track you down.

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

I hope you enjoyed your stretchy sweat pants day and Joe enjoyed his day as well.

I'm glad that you are taking time for you. Sometimes running can be more tiring and it gets you nowhere but even more tired!

Right. And the fasterer I go the behinder-er I was getting. I think I was in some kind of stupor all day.

Granny Annie said...

Force yourself to take at least a two week break from you blog. If you have some sudden inspiration, go ahead and type it into word to use later but absolutely do not post anything for two weeks (or maybe a month). You will learn that blogging is your personal therapy and people who read or comment or follow you are the icing on the cake. You blog because you are a blogger (and an excellent one at that).

Thank you Annie. You really thought that one out, and I appreciate the wisdom behind it.

ain't for city gals said...

I want one of those flags...

Well you can't have MINE! I need it.

Gaston Studio said...

I agree with Granny! Take time off and do things just for YOU! Then, come back to us.

And if I come back, it was meant to be. And if I never come back, well....in a week ya'll would have forgotten all about me. Can't risk it.

Julie said...

You deserve it, darlin. Sit back, relax, and blog whenever the hell you want. Today, tomorrow, next week, or next year. We'll all still be here....

I KNOW that YOU'LL still be here cuz YOU want Joe. Just waitin' and bidin' your time aren't you.

AmyLK said...

That sounds like a wonderful idea! I hope you truly enjoy the day!

If I had enjoyed it any more, I'd be in a coma. In fact, I think it ended too soon.

Quirkyloon said...

Dana you're always doing it YOUR way!

And for that I admire ye!

Well most of the time!

*snap*

hee hee

Enjoyce your nap!

WHAT? I'm always doing it MY way? I'm the picture of selfless giving! I give and I give and what do I get? HEARTACHE!!

"YOU might be next"

Demeur said...

After reading your feeble attempts at trying to distract yourself I've concluded that you need to do some volunteer work. Go to the local food bank and help out. Help out disabled firefighters or fund raise for the childrens burn unit. Anything that will require total focus should do the trick.

Honey, I AM taking care of a "dis"abled firefighter. "What's for breakfast.....What's for supper......Wanna go to bed or what....." Can't do a damn thing for himself.

Winifred said...

That was so funny even though I didn't get some of it. What's an OUTBACK?

Sometimes being spontaneous isn't all it's cracked out to be.

Wish I could be more like that though. I have to plan everything well in advance to fit with my husband's holidays. Just can't get the daft beggar to give up work even for a bargain week at New Year in Malta. I'm tempted to just book it!

Well, being spontaneous is going to be new territory for us, since everything we've done has been timed around Lucky, since he needed quite a lot of tending to.

Wander to the Wayside said...

I'm so proud of you and Joe for attempting to get back in the game! And envious of Sue for getting to meet you! If you go north on I75 thru Chattanooga on your way home (whenever you plan on doing that), give me a call, or just drop in since you seem to be in spontaneous mode...

Whoever is still reading my blog when the time comes, will know when we're heading north. And we DO plan on visiting anyone who will have us. NOT for the night, but just for a drive-by hello.

The Blog Fodder said...

Each of you doing what you didn't want because you thought the other did is a common failing of humans. I am so glad you went to see your friend Sue. Anyone worth being a friend will cope at unexpected company in midst of chaos. Now if you had phoned ahead, she would have killed you.
And I agree with Demeur, go do something useful, like advise old ladies not to cross the street or something.

Wouldn't it just be more fun if I told them to "make a run for it" on the yellow light?

Beth said...

It is always nice to meet a friend.

Well, hidy.

ReformingGeek said...

Good for you for trying and that's so cool that you found a friend in sunny cold Florida. I guess that's better than finding an alligator in your bathtub or your toilet. Oops.

Still lookin for that alligator, but Sue will have to do in the meantime.

Sue said...

A WARNING to my fellow "Life is Good" followers: DO NOT GIVE DANA YOUR ADDRESS!! LOL

As I looked out the window of the house I had been in less than 24 hours, I saw this cute little lady standing there, peering at the house. How could I NOT open the door? No shower, uncombed hair, mismatched clothes...yet I ran outside to give you a hug.
I absolutely LOVED your visit Dana! You saw me at my worst..so next time all I need to do is take a shower, comb my hair and it will be an improvement.
(Next time bring donuts & coffee)
(((Hugs)))

The Cricut is still in the box..but will come out on Monday!

Hey, anything you can DO will be an improvement. yicky icky poo poo

Seriously folks, she scared me.

Ginger said...

The change of pace sounds like fun. And really fun to drop in on someone who isn't expecting you.
How far is Epcot from where you live?

NOT FAR ENOUGH. And Sue is TOO FAR. (they're both about 2 hours away)

Matty said...

Well, despite the expenses, it's nice to be able to just get up and go like that. I would love to just pop in on another blogger I've never met in person. Of course with a camera in hand to capture the expression on their face.

And if you do it in the middle of the night, you'd have the video for "FILM AT ELEVEN".

Granny Annie said...

I would have hunkered down under the front windows holding my breath and wishing you "away" as in "out,out damn spot!". Sue is truly a good friend to allow you entrance (as if she had a freakin' choice) while I would have been forced to hurl heavy objects your direction before letting you see me unclean.

I'm just glad she didn't do to me what I did to her. Talk about hurling heavy objects.....I'd just make Joe answer the door and say I was out of town.

adrienzgirl said...

Oh my! Remind me not to give you and Joe my address Dana! :D

I kid. I kid. You would be welcome anytime! I'm glad you got to meet a friend!

Oh, You poor naieve child. Haven't you ever heard of GOOGLE and MAPQUEST? See ya soon!

ain't for city gals said...

Hey Dana, Just stop in the Congress grocery store in Az..they know where I live...Az is pretty nice about now...

I never thought of trying the grocery store. They knew you at the liquor store though.

Julie said...

I don't see you in my driveway yet. Where are you? Get in the car and drive north, dammit!

GET IN THE CAR AND DRIVE SOUTH DAMMIT. Or better yet, use that airplane ticket that you were going to use to go to Jill's.

AmyLK said...

I'm so glad you were able to start thinking again in time to meet a blogger friend! I would welcome you guys with open arms if you ever get up Jersey way.

Yeah, yeah. I don't see YOUR address anywhere like poor Sue did.

Collette said...

I am so glad that you & Joe are getting out a bit! If you don't mind a bunch of clutter, I'd be glad to have you up here in Michigan. In fact, it should be snowing anytime here...UGH! Maybe I'll just come down to visit you! (((HUGS)))

Seriously, anyone would be welcome here. Just bring lots of money with you cuz we're going gambling.

Gaston Studio said...

Sue is definiely a better person than I am, I wouldn't have opened the door.

Now, now. What if I want to buy one of your beautiful art pieces? Yeah. NOW the door is opening.

Rob-bear said...

With friends like Sue (and a husband like Joe), who needs . . . more friends? (Well, I suppose we all could use and extra one or two.)

If you had come here, the moment you got to the door, you would have been set upon by two massive puppies (40 pounds each, all muscle, ready to "play" with -- knock over -- anyone who comes close). I'm not sure you're ready for that.

But what do Bears know?

It sounds like a Bear knows exactly what would make me happy.

Today, I'm doing it MY way.

I have so many ideas in my head regarding whether to keep blogging or not. I have so many friends, and a lot of new ones, that I could maintain contact with whether I had a blog or not.

So let's just say I'm just pooped out. I realize that when you're JUST PLAIN TIRED nothing holds any interest. This has been an eventful two weeks. We've bawled: squalled, walked like zombies, and tried to outrun our feelings when we were basically empty vessels chasing our tails.

Joe and I have been doing a LOT of running here and there. I'm starting to feel like I'm trying to "keep up" and what I really need is a momentary sabbatical from life in general.

I've been having some health issues (who doesn't?) and need to let my inner clock reset with my internal energizer bunny who lost its batteries.

Today, in the process of getting ready to "GO AND DO", I walked into the living room and declared: "Today is MY day".

I sent Joe to the Tuesday all day marathon Euchre tournament and have placed the flag outside the door. The one that says "ring the bell and die".

Today I get to let my inner slug out. I'm gonna SIT in my stretchy pants and watch tv: play on the computer, play with my crafts, read a book........NIRVANA!

WHAT a luxury!

And I expect MORE healing from one day of being a selfish, self-centered SLUG than all the racing around did.

Hmmmmmm........these couch cushions look SO comfy.......and the afghan is within reach.......I can read....watch tv....play with my crafts.......Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

YOU might be next

I decided that enough is enough and that I needed to stop thinking and .....uh.....where was I? ......Oh, I had stopped thinking..... SEE WHAT CAN HAPPEN?!

But I asked Joe where he'd like to go. Somewhere we didn't have to be back at 3:30, which was our time limit for the past century. We have NO REASON to be home at any particular time now, and (like the casino fiasco) we're trying to stretch our boundaries.

Joe said "DAYTONA BEACH". I said "Wuuuh huh?"

He said he wanted to see the sunrise. I looked outside and saw wind from the hurricane passing up through Georgia and the spattering of rain drops. Obviously Joe is immune to weather.

I decided that I'd better come up with a quick exchange or I'd be standing on Daytona Beach in my sweatpants, carrying an umbrella.

I knew that HE had fond memories of EPCOT, and since no kids are banging into our shins at that particular park, we headed for Orlando.

BUENA VISTA hotel: $180 a night with an OUTBACK inside. We stood on the balcony and looked over the surroundings with me telling myself "This is good" and trying to get into it.

We wandered to the OUTBACK and were sticker shocked.

$100 later, we went to the hotel's ticket kiosk.

$180 later, Joe said "DAMN! That was expensive for a one day pass"

I said "Well........YOU wanted to go to EPCOT"

He said "ME????? I thought YOU wanted to go to EPCOT"

SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I STOP THINKING?????

This post could end here, on a giggle, but noooooooooooooooo. I wasn't done yet.

The next morning, while standing on the balcony in my summer clothes.....freezing..... I dug deep into my stored courage locker and said "I doanwannago"

We managed a quick exit of the hotel, leaving yet another fiasco behind in our rush to go forward with our lives.

But I wasn't done yet.

KNOWING that one of my blogger buddies was in the process of moving to OCOEE FLorida, and knowing her address............HER mistake............I set the GPS BITCH for Sue.

Consider this scenario: YOU are moving to a new house. YOU have cartons stacked. YOU are in the midst of a life altering event. YOU look out the window and see a strange car in your driveway with a crazy looking woman sitting in the car, looking at YOUR house.

I'm surprised she even opened the door.

I wouldn't have.

But she came outside, hugged me; held me. Apologized for looking like shit. I told her that she smelled like shit too, then did MY apologizing for doing the unthinkable to a friend.

She took us inside to boxes on top of boxes, and showed me her CRICUT that she will "someday" hopefully, get the chance to open.

GOD she's adorable. She's just what I wanted. Just what I suspected: a friend.

TWELVE STEP PROGRAM

After sitting in the house for a week, we decided to try heading south just to get out and get something else on our mind.

What we found out was that no matter where you go, you take your mind with you. So here we were, sailing down the highway, taking turns wiping the wet stuff off our faces. No mascara for THIS woman!

After a few "Let's just go home" suggestions we finally realized we were in someplace called Port Richie where there is an honest to god GAMBLING BOAT. The timing couldn't have been better, for the shuttle boat was getting ready to head out to the BIG boat.

I said "What the hell. We're here." So we immediately boarded and set sail.

It wasn't long (maybe 60 minutes) before we were pulling alongside what appeared to be a tugboat, but not just any tugboat. This was the PORT RICHIE GAMBLING BOAT!!

I couldn't help but notice that it looked like any other boat.......that had taken a direct hit during WWII and needed a paint job.

Ropes were cast to our "boat", joined together by a plank that had seen better days, and us old folks were warned to "watch your step and keep both hands on the rails" while the swabbies on deck steadied the planks with their FEET!

Stepping inside the floating can, I was instantly reminded that I suffer from severe claustrophobia. The back of the boat could be seen from the front of the boat, and one side was in close proximity to the other side.

Joe said to head upward to find oxygen, which we did. A cooler climate existed upstairs and we wedged our bodies next to a window, on tall stools which were wedged against the tall stools behind us at the next "row" of machines.

Because I don't like crowded spaces, I had a nice window beside me, decorated with year's worth of seagull poop, dead bugs and a view of very choppy water.

Joe immediately deposited a quarter and won $30, while I deposited a quarter and won $15. While Joe adores the actual coins with their rattling sounds, I prefer the paper readouts. They're more sanitary.

But just as I was dropping another quarter in the slot, I could have sworn that my stool started rocking oddly. Then, a rather weird feeling swept over me, reminding me of the times I've taken my first hit of anesthesia and the hospital room starts spinning.

NOT a good feeling.

It was then that I realized that the little tugboat sized gambling casino was one that didn't ride the waves with much solidity and I was being swayed hither and yon.

Now, hither and yon don't go hand in hand with claustrophobia and I was again remembering that the shuttle was in the process of LEAVING.........not to return for SIX HOURS.

SIX.........LONG..........HOURS.

I grabbed Joe's "cup-o-coins" and started scooping the $30 out of his tray and into the cup like a rabid rooster picking at fleas and Joe said "Relax honey. I'll see if they have some Dramamine."

I calmly said "I'm going to dive out the porthole and hope I land on the shuttle boat!" And away I went........like a gazelle! I ran, bobbed and weaved. I jumped over and dove under anything in my way and made it...........just as the swabbies were starting to remove their feet from the plank and toss the ropes clear.

"CRAZY WOMAN COMING THROUGH!!" and with an "urp" sliding upward, Joe appeared and steadied me on the "suddenly" very acrobatic plank.

Although still green about the gills, and wishing I could throw my body overboard for a quick suicide, we eventually saw land and Joe drove to the nearest Walgreens where I promptly ate an entire tube of TUMS and burped my way home.

Sometimes, things just don't work out. But I will admit that I obtained a lot of sympathy and sadness for our little boy and the many times that he too, had the "green around the gills" look so often towards the end.

Still sad......Still crying at the most unexpected times, but slowly, slowly, healing bit by bit.

THE LAST VISIT TO THE VET'S

If anyone ever tells me that blogs and bloggers are just self-grandiosed, infantile narcissists, I will personally jab 'em in the balls.

YES, I want to stop blogging.

NO, I can't think of ANYTHING to say anymore that is of ANY importance ......to you OR myself.

YES, our pain is STILL unbelievably horrendous.

YES, we're mourning our boy more than we've EVER mourned a human.

But I've had MORE CONSTANT support from those of you I do not know than I EVER had from people that I did know, even when a human's death was involved.

And this outpouring of support has even staggered Joe with awe.

Your words and emails are read to him, and we cry.

Due to my health taking a downward spiral, Joe had to go to the vet's alone today to retrieve Lucky's ashes.

As I always have, I met him in the driveway. The difference being that it was always me and Lucky meeting him in the driveway.

This time, it was the opposite.

I'm sure he won't mind my telling you that I had to open his door and help him get out of the truck. I have NO IDEA how he made it home in his condition. "Lucky" was in his lap, and Joe's emotions had the upper hand.

We are now, all three, at home.......but I had to hide the "package" in the back of the closet, behind the suitcases and out of sight.

I'm sure the vet's office does the best they can under these situations, but I'll never look at a white "gift bag" with white ribbons without wondering if there could have been a more fitting package in these circumstances.

THERE ARE STILL NO WORDS

Sadly, there are few words that Joe and I can speak without that constant catch in our throats as if we're choking on our own tears. And that's pretty much the reality of the situation.

Don't think that we're being overly dramatic. This boy went through a LOT of physical misdiagnosis' with vets too stupid to wipe their own butts. He also went through a lot of OUR life situations when we could hardly function.

When we were sad, his actions mirrored our emotions. When we laughed, he smiled and danced.

For two days now, there have been episodes where Joe and I have to physically support each other as our legs give out from the intense emotions. There have also been times when we cried alone, separating ourselves so that the other one wouldn't be influenced by our "mood".

There have also been numerous times where I silently condemned Joe for his "heartless" act.

I had determined that I would not continue my blog.

I realized that it is a silly, self-grandiosing thing to do: write as if anyone cared about my life, or as if ANYTHING I wrote was of any importance.

And then the readers, my friends, my sanity in the time of insanity, started lining up........like guardians at the gate, they did their best to lend support; giving perspective where there is none, and compassion when it could not be felt.

FORTY people, most of whom I have never heard from before, answered with their own remembrances of THEIR grief when they lost a beloved fur-family member.

Several of you (who shall remain anonymous because you went DEEPER to help me than could be expected of a casual reader) literally saved my mental downward spiral.

I was told YOU DIDN'T KILL HIM and I was also reminded that this situation would NEVER have gotten BETTER, and could have easily ended with a heartbreaking final passing in the middle of the night when help was unavailable.

I now realize (and I'm so ashamed to say this) that it not only HAD to be done, (thank you Joe) but instead of waiting a day - or a week like I wanted - it SHOULD have been done a WEEK ago ...... a MONTH ago ....

I apologized to Joe for thinking he had been callous. I was surprised when he said that he KNEW what I had been thinking: "I saw it in your eyes every time you looked at me".

His relief from the burden of guilt that my eyes accused him of was finally erased for both of us.

We don't know WHEN this hell will ease. We keep trying to FORCE it: "get over it" within 24 hours......then 48 hours.......then we worry that "ENOUGH IS ENOUGH ALREADY!!!!".

Humans. We should be as smart as those little creatures we pompously call ANIMALS.

Thank you my loves. Thank you.